The Working World is not Built for Working Moms – And Women Leaders are the Key to Systemic Change
My career dreams and dreams of motherhood crashed into each other when I became pregnant a few years ago. I was in a career that I loved, and I was soaked in the cultural pressure to work long days and sometimes nights to keep moving up. Pregnant or not and long before remote work was a concept, the employee expectations were set and hustle culture was the standard practice in the agency world.
At the same time my seasoned career was blossoming, I was beginning a new journey into motherhood. There was no good timing for being pregnant with my son, but that year the timing was especially bad: the agency’s busiest season aligned perfectly with the third trimester.
Up until the day I went into labor, I felt pressured to keep working as if I wasn’t seven, eight, and then nine months pregnant, traveling between states, and working long days on my feet and in heels. I also worked long hours – sometimes as many as 18 hours in a day. The thirty extra pregnancy pounds made my bones ache and joints swell. At the time, it felt like this was what was necessary in order to avoid being replaced by someone who didn’t have the distraction of pregnancy or kids and I really loved my career.
I thought I would be able to balance both motherhood and my career, but that belief got a strong reality check at an early morning meeting weeks before my due date. The night before my team had been at the office past midnight to get event materials to press. It was at an early morning meeting–my team was asked to come in about an hour before the usual start time. The agency leadership was attempting to motivate another team that apparently wasn’t putting in the same amount of hours toward their projects: “Look at Dee Anna,” the leader complimented, “She’s eight months pregnant and she’s working 18 hours a day.”
The clash between career and motherhood was visceral in that moment and I realized that this way of working would not be sustainable once I became a mom. I realized I could never keep up with this career if I wanted to have a real presence in my son’s life too. That would be impossible in this position, or any position I’d had before it because at that time an employee’s value was always measured in hustle. Before that moment, I didn’t realize that for working moms, having a career means continuing to work as if they were not moms.
The business world, the agency world in particular, was deeply ingrained in “Hustle Culture.” Maybe it’s just a coincidence that corporate culture runs as if no one has to take their child to and from their schools and activities or maybe the culture is what it is because the people who typically take on the main share of the childrearing have historically had much less say in how it was created.
It takes intentional action to change the culture. In that same moment, I realized that having been a woman in various leadership positions for more than a decade at that point, I had failed. I had failed to stand up for the working moms who felt pressured to keep up with hustle culture. I had failed to use my influence where I could to help pave a better way. It was then that I decided to act intentionally to shift the culture away from hustling and toward a human-centric future. I want to intentionally work to change the culture and do what I can to help shape a future where moms can embrace their career passions without missing out on their children’s lives and people can embrace their own time, free from pressure to be productive at all costs.
The Challenges of Working Moms
In the United States, women are the primary or co-breadwinners in two-thirds of households with children. They also make up about half of all workers in the labor force. As a result, many women find themselves facing a "double burden" – working outside the home while still taking care of their families at home.
This can be especially challenging when your employer doesn't offer adequate flexibility or support for working parents. If you feel like you can’t take time off from work when needed (whether it's for an illness or because your child needs help), then it's difficult to fulfill both roles effectively – and this can lead to burnout and frustration among employees who want nothing more than some peace of mind during these stressful times.
“I didn't realize the hidden labor of being a mom,” my friend Jaclyn Mullen told me during a recent chat. Jaclyn is the Head of Marketing for Loops.io and mom to a beautiful one-year-old boy. We recently got together to chat about the challenges of being a working mom and what we as women leaders can do about it.
“Just this morning I woke up at five o'clock, my child had his bottle by 5:15, I had my coffee, I checked my email, I got dressed, I vacuumed the baby's room, my home office, the guest room, put his baby clothes in the washer all of that before 7:30 am,” Jaclyn tells me. “I'm downstairs, get his breakfast ready, start preparing for my 8:15 am call with my counterpart in India, get a notice that I'm featured in an article, and get my LinkedIn post ready. By 8:20 am my kid is crawling on me, I'm on the Zoom call, we're talking about what we need to do, and then for the whole rest of the day I get a 15 to 20-minute break to walk my dog and see my child.”
Even in the new world of hybrid work, the current ways of business don’t take into consideration the human element of moms and all parents. Now with my son in grade school, my husband and I live the daily realities of having a kid. With school pick up usually around 2 or 3 pm and sports starting at 4 pm it feels impossible to manage with the standard 9 to 5.
“The reality is that [the children] have this really weird schedule that is impossible to work around if you have a typical office job. So, something has to give and it seems like women usually make the sacrifice because the pressure is on them to be mothers and men to be workers, as if the two are incompatible,” says Les Paredes – a family law attorney and dad – who also happens to be my husband. “Employers should try to be a little more connected to their employees' lives to ensure work and life are sustainably balanced, making it possible to have a family and a career.”
Even as the recent shift to hybrid work and new technologies to keep us connected has changed how we work, it hasn't managed to change our expectations of how much time we should spend at work. Even with what seems like more flexible work, many women still feel like they're doing something wrong if they leave the office before a certain time or take a day off when their kids are sick.
And while the challenges aren’t exclusive to moms – dads face these challenges too – research has shown over and over again that women are most often the ones who change their work schedules and make compromises when the needs of the family collide with work.
The Benefits of a Parent-Friendly Workplace
There are many benefits to creating a parent-friendly workplace, including increased job satisfaction and improved employee engagement. When employees feel supported by their employers, they're more likely to be committed to their work and stay with the company. In fact, a study by the American Psychological Association found that 93% of employees who reported feeling valued said that they are motivated to do their best at work.
Another benefit of creating a parent-friendly workplace is improved retention rates among female employees who have children at home – a group that tends to leave jobs sooner than men do or take longer leaves from work after having children. This is especially true when it comes time for women who have young children at home (ages 0-5) because these women tend not only to take shorter maternity leaves but also return part-time instead of full time after returning from maternity leave.
High attrition in business not only has stressful consequences but also financial ones. The Center for American Progress estimates that replacing a single employee costs approximately 20% of that employee’s salary.
“Visioning” the business world we want to create with the Infinite Edge team during a San Diego retreat in January 2023.
As a woman in leadership today, I feel a personal responsibility to do everything I can to help change the working norms that moms – and all humans – deserve. Women in leadership must raise our voices to implement and model more human-centric ways of working that gives us all the space and support we deserve to be present with our families and in whatever fulfills us in life.
Women’s representation in leadership roles is critical to reshaping business to be more family-friendly. And while women have made great strides in leadership over the years, there is still a lot to do inorder to grow and keep women in these roles. According to McKinsey, 2022 saw women leaders switching jobs at the highest rates we’ve ever seen. Even companies with some women leadership, often struggle with creating working norms that serve parents.
This problem is not just a mom problem or a dad problem; it is a human problem. It is time to put the human part of our employees at the soul of our companies. And that includes making the standard ways of working viable for parents. For things to change, women in leadership roles must use their influence to support the changes needed in our standard business practices.
Lead by example
“What leaders need to do is to embody showing up and doing your job really well, but then recharging and restoring because nobody wants to burn out,” Mullen says. “I want to model to my team that you shouldn't feel guilty if you disconnect over the weekend, it's your time to recharge.”
Giving your employees the support and space they need to take care of their families improves employee morale and reduces burnout. But if you want your employees to take time off for their children or caregiving responsibilities, you must also do it yourself. This doesn't mean that managers need to take leave themselves – it just means that they should be visible as people who value family time and understand what it takes for parents in the workplace.
“We had one mom in particular, who would leave at 4:30 to go pick up her kids. That was her thing, she said, ‘this is important to me,’” says Mullen. “So, not chastising that everybody's values are going to be different. I think you need to keep a really open mind. I'm a workaholic, like the rest of them, but if my team comes to me and says, ‘I want to be able to go pick up my kid or go with them to the library for this hour,’ trusting them and giving them that benefit of the doubt. And then at the same time modeling that too, because if we're not doing it from a visual standpoint, then they're surely not going to see it and think it's okay for them to do it as well.”
Speak up in solidarity
Research shows that companies with more female leaders are more likely to offer family-friendly policies like paid parental leave and flexible work arrangements than those without them.
The women’s perspective in business is imperative to the well-being of all employees. As women tend to be the primary caregiver and decision-makers in families, we are naturally attuned to seeing the broader perspective of how business decisions affect the whole employee as a human and their families.
Business leaders have a critical role to play in creating an environment that supports working parents. It’s unlikely the systems will change without the influence of women leaders. When women have a seat at the table, we should leverage our influence to advocate for and implement family-friendly policies and resources. This can include:
Providing resources and support for employees with children on-site daycare or other financial assistance for childcare
Creating family-friendly policies including paid maternal and paternal leave and child-inclusive sick policies. Family-friendly policies like paid parental leave and childcare subsidies can also be helpful in making it easier for parents to stay employed while they're caring for their families.
Offering flexible scheduling. These might include telecommuting options, part-time schedules, or flextime arrangements where employees choose when they come in each day based on their own needs rather than an office schedule set by management.
Offering programs that help families stay connected while they're apart (for example, technology and software to keep moms connected via video)
Mentor future female leaders
A family-friendly future in business is dependent on the continued influence of women leaders. I can only blame 20-something-year-old me so much for not understanding the environment. At the time, I wasn't surrounded by many working moms. And those with whom I had crossed paths, probably didn’t feel empowered to speak up.
“Even if somebody's not a parent yet I always ask my team, ‘What are your goals, long-term vision?’” Mullen told me. “And one of my direct reports was like, ‘I want to be a mom.’ I'm like, okay, well, you can start asking questions now about what that looks like…Having that dialogue and learning from what would you do differently…knowing what you know now, what would you do differently? Those conversations, I think can go a long way.”
Creating a safe space for women and moms in business is not only imperative to change, but it’s also proven to be beneficial to the bottom line. In fact, research shows that women leaders:
increase productivity;
enhance collaboration;
inspire organizational dedication and;
improve fairness
By doing our part as women leaders to bring even more women into leadership roles, we can strengthen the voice of moms and all women within companies to provide perspective and influence family-friendly change.
Support male allies
In recent years, there is a growing acknowledgment that fathers are struggling at least as much as their female counterparts with work-family conflict. However, to date, there is little evidence that employers have begun to embrace these challenges.
My husband, Les, and I even recently made the decision to restart his own law firm in order for him to be able to be more present at our son’s activities. Now, being in control of his own schedule has allowed Les to participate in our son’s activities in a way he never could before – including coaching his Kinder football team! But we recognize that we’re extremely fortunate because not everyone has the same opportunity.
What can men in leadership do? According to a study by Boston College, one of the most helpful things men can do is support dads: “Support other fathers at your workplace who are caregivers. Changing organizational culture requires more than changes in policies or even statements of support from senior leaders. Men who support colleagues in their effort to be engaged parents will help to shift the organizational culture to one that is more equitable and encouraging of men as caregivers. This will, in turn, help to promote the advancement of women in the organization as well.”
While there may be a tendency to discount these concerns, it is important to recognize the struggles that men, and specifically fathers, are experiencing and to understand that men’s ability to address these issues may be the single most important factor in facilitating women’s advancement.
Change Has to Start With Business Leaders
A truly thriving business that enriches the community needs thriving employees that are enriched by their lives, families and balance. Mothers and all employees would benefit greatly if business leaders shift the paradigm from viewing employees as a business liability to viewing them as being in a mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship.
It’s puzzling to try to understand how the business world and personal life got so disconnected from one another. Everyone – including parents and non-parents – deserve the support of their employer to have their own space and life balance to do the things that fulfill them outside of work. Research has shown that giving employees this support only benefits both the employee and the company.
Creating the Change You Want to See
The first few years after my son’s arrival were by far the most challenging of my career as I wanted to be a fully present parent but was also dedicated to my passion for marketing. I love being a mom, but I love being a marketer and business leader too. It was hard for me to find my place in the business world and I considered taking a break because it felt as if the two were never going to harmonize. I stuck with it because I believed that creating a better world for my son included doing my part to fix what’s wrong with the working world.
In early 2020, as the world was beginning to enter an era of unprecedented disruption, I was given a new hope after a conversation with my then-supervisor, Mary Gilbert, a brilliant strategist, tech industry veteran, and single mom of two. Mary and I shared a dream to drive positive change in the world by applying our skills as story-tellers, strategic communicators, and people movers. We dreamt of a more human-friendly business world and decided that if you can’t get what you want in the traditional business world, you can create it yourself. And with that, Infinite Edge was born.
From day one Infinite Edge was built with a people-first perspective. One of the most important things we do for our business is to support our team’s needs and passions in and outside of work. I’ve always believed that employees who feel empowered to live balanced lives and set boundaries around the separation of work and life will always bring their best selves to their work. Take care of your employees and they will take care of your business because they are your business.
Business policies should be designed with the human employee at the center. Systemic change across the business norms will not happen overnight. But for it to get reconnected, moms, dads, and non-parents in leadership must stand up and use their voice to influence change where they can – inside their own businesses.
For my family, the human-centric nature of Infinite Edge means that we get to feed our passion for travel and adventure and bring that excitement and perspective back to our work.
